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[amityville_sweetheart]

11-07-2007

Corrine knows what people would say to this. This is irresponsible and reckless. Going alone is stupid. Not telling anyone is deceptive.

They wouldn't hear or listen that this is something Corrine wants, and needs, to solve alone. Maybe it won't solve anything, maybe that's why they'd protest, but Corrine's spent long enough letting people fight her battles for her, defend her, and take the brunt of situations for her.

She's dressed down, doing her best to look normal. Even if she hasn't much felt normal recently, she's making the effort.

No one escorts her to the room at the end of the hall.

Comments

[amelia-z.livejournal.com]

What little dexterity is left in Amelia's fingers has been concentrated recently on Tetris via her GameBoy Advance. She agreed 'not to hit, maim or otherwise violently attack anyone with it', and she stuck to it, so now she gets to keep it all the time.

She may be reneging on that offer momentarily. "Look what came back."

[damage-girl.livejournal.com]

Corrine knew when she decided to do this that Amelia would look different. The Russian woman is even thinner than before, and far from her usual kept look. Corrine's choking down any guilt from this, reminding herself Amelia's choices weren't her fault. Even if you started it all in the first place.

She leans against the doorway, holding her aura back, keeping her influence away from Amelia. "I'm sorry for what happened to you and whatever part I had in it. And I hope you were listening because that's the second and last time I'm going to say it."

[amelia-z.livejournal.com]

"I didn't ask you for it the first time." Amelia clicks off the game, tossing it to the end of her bed.

"So if you're going to kill me, do so. Unless you're into torture, than I guess you can keep talking." She pulls her hair back, trying to straighten her slouch.

[damage-girl.livejournal.com]

"I am not here to kill you, Amelia."

Corrine sighs, trying to hold back the roll of eyes. Beyond the stupidity of doing it in the middle of a hospital, what would that accomplish? Corrine's free, Amelia's in here. Corrine has no reason to wish her harm, but then again the older woman is here because that logic fails her.

[amelia-z.livejournal.com]

"A joke at your expense, but don't act surprised," she says, bored. "You immolated me, witch. Told me to 'burn', remember? Your friends may have forgotten, give you their little seal of approval, but I don't. Nothing's changed, nothing's different just that I guess I'm outclassed, huh?"

Amelia mumbles something into her lap, turning away from Corrine. The Russian woman is arguing with herself for a moment before seeming to notice Corrine is still standing there. "What, you? I didn't listen to you before, what makes you think I'm going to waste my time now that I'm dying? Jesus, some people..."

[damage-girl.livejournal.com]

"Because you're dying in here?" Corrine does her best not to make that sound patronizing. Yeah, she was expecting that, and yeah, she deserves it. Much like all of the history Amelia uses like a battering ram, Corrine can't put up much defense against it.

She shrugs. "Look-- I lost it. Can you really blame us after months of goading? You kicked my ribs in. All of them, I think. You sold us all out when we were trying to help you. We've both been terrifying people when pushed to the wall."

[amelia-z.livejournal.com]

The look Amelia gives Corrine could freeze the entire Pacific ocean. Who came here, to see her? Who dredged it all up again, when she was content to forget about it? Surely, Corrine's not still looking for an apology? Surely, Amelia's made it clear there won't be one coming from her, at least not to this little witch?

"And wasn't it buried good enough before you came in here? And you don't get to talk about what's good for my brother! You threw that right away, spat on it, it's not your concern anymore so stop, stop pretending like you care, when you don't! You're just like the rest of your family, getting your little hooks in people to get where you want and then leaving them to flail, all bloodied up and dirtier than before! Like people don't have enough to sully themselves up, and you'll be the big helper, right?"

A pause. "For having millenia of knowledge now, you're still pretty goddamn dumb, Corrine."

[damage-girl.livejournal.com]

Good that someone hasn't missed that fact.

"Yes," she snickers. "And no one knows it better than I do."

Corrine gestures questioningly at the chair turned in towards the desk.

[amelia-z.livejournal.com]

"Yevanat."

Amelia looks at the chair, then over at Corrine. For a second she's puzzled, but then looks away. This game has gotten stupid and old. "Why don't you just tell me why you're here? You want something or someone sent you who wants something, or else you wouldn't be here."

[damage-girl.livejournal.com]

"You know I want resolution."

She finally takes a seat at the cluttered desk. She keeps her hands out in the open and close to her. Her bag goes to the floor, like she's prepped to be here for a while. "I don't want you in here, Amelia. Whatever my family did to you--"

[amelia-z.livejournal.com]

She waves for Corrine to be silent. This is tiresome. There's a prickling of a migraine starting in her head. Amelia didn't want to do this today, or any day, really.

She looks squarely at the woman across from her. "Your family is a pit of snakes, and you among them. They at least told me half-truths about you that no one has moved to debunk yet. I'm building my defense on what a bad person you were." She shrugs and gives a 'duh' look. "And you want, what, to leave here knowing it's all okay and convince me you're sunshine and flowers? Twitch your magic nose and everything goes back to copacetic? Get bent, Corrine."

[damage-girl.livejournal.com]

"No." It's very hard to be patient, especially when someone uses that 'snide teenager' tone against you. Corrine never could take being condescended and patronized to, but she takes a breath before she speaks again.

"I want to leave here knowing we're not going to waste our lives, or any time at all, fighting each other. Forget whatever they said. I'm here telling you-- you have a good defense because you've got good material."

[amelia-z.livejournal.com]

Amelia's already been visited. She knows where she made her mistake of letting her guard down. "You are so unbelievably den--"

[damage-girl.livejournal.com]

Corrine wants to slap herself at this point. Do the Zukovs just make a personal hobby out of being thick-headed?

"Jesus Christ, Amelia, I'm telling you you're right!" That exasperated sigh gets out this time and Corrine lets the annoyed tone go, too. "For once in your damned life friggin' listen! I do not want you to be here, and I can tell you more horrible things about me than anyone else can, I guarantee you."

[amelia-z.livejournal.com]

"I don't want your help."

[damage-girl.livejournal.com]

"Amelia, please, between you and your brother--"

[amelia-z.livejournal.com]

"I don't know how to say it anymore simply."

[damage-girl.livejournal.com]

"I do feel partially responsible. I could testify for you, and we can go back to getting you expert help with people that know this stuff!"

[amelia-z.livejournal.com]

"You don't get it, you don't get it!" Amelia finally screams, silencing Corrine.

The older woman is laughing. Not because this is funny, because it's decidedly not, but it is sort of ironic that her greatest fear that brought her here was being plagued by this woman, this... thing. There is no way to be rid of her! The only way is to do something Amelia doesn't believe in, won't believe in, will die (more irony!) before she does: patronizing someone she hates with kindness.

"I know this is hard to get but I don't want or need your fucking redemption! I don't want favors from you, I'm not here to absolve your guilt, and if you do it anyway well then guess I can't stop you, but don't look at me to make this little moment of 'growth' you're having easy on you, because it isn't my concern and I want no part of it! I won't be part of whatever the fuck it is you represent! And save feeding me your 'everything happens for a reason' philosophical, prophetic, God-freak bullshit, 'cuz that crap's for dumb assholes that need to sleep better at night! I take pills for that."

[damage-girl.livejournal.com]

Corrine slumps back in her chair. She isn't getting anywhere here. No, she wasn't naive enough to expect that this would be easy, but she hadn't expected a wall of 'no' this thick. She wants to scream and pull her hair. Or the other woman's hair. Not that it would solve anything, either, but maybe it would make Corrine feel better. Well.

[amelia-z.livejournal.com]

"Da, you're shocked speechless, we're all appreciative." She claps. "The Academy gives it four stars, now get the fuck out, stupid."

[damage-girl.livejournal.com]

Corrine shrugs, fussing with the hem on the leg of her jeans. "I can't figure you out, Amelia. You're pretty, you're rich, you're smart, and yet you're one of the nastiest people I've met. How the hell does someone get that way?"

[amelia-z.livejournal.com]

"Practice."

She turns away towards the window and smirks. "But you already know that one."

[damage-girl.livejournal.com]

Amelia's trying to make her angry, but the older woman is right, too. Corrine made a habit of these annoying little 'I'm mad at you' games once upon a few years ago. It's a wonder Caleb never brained her with a chair leg or something... well, excluding when he was crazy.

Corrine did learn 'nasty' with practice, and she hasn't forgotten it. She also hasn't forgotten sometimes 'nasty' works as a pretty good boxing glove. "Your brother bought a gun when you went under. After he learned what he did."

[amelia-z.livejournal.com]

Amelia's eyes are still looking out the window. "What? Lemme guess, he told you this, huh? Caleb's told a lot of girls a lot of things."

[damage-girl.livejournal.com]

"No, I did the math. I'm not that dumb. And you aren't, either. You want to take a wild guess what that purchase was for?"

[amelia-z.livejournal.com]

There's a slight movement as Amelia sits up straighter. "I don't believe you."

The birds are gathering around a puddle on the adjacent roof. She whistles at them.

[damage-girl.livejournal.com]

"Then ask him. Caleb may do a lot of things you don't like, but I know he's never lied to you, and I know you know it, too."

Corrine crosses one leg over the other and leans her elbows against her leg. "My family deceived you. That's what they're notorious for, and they do it to each other without blinking an eye. They put my brother Eugene in Hell to get my father back here, and then my father betrayed you. You'd just betrayed the Outsiders. Who do you think was covering your ass, Amelia? Who, in that fight, was invested in your survival?"

[amelia-z.livejournal.com]

Amelia closes her eyes and sighs. "Wrong, he tried to lie to me about how long I was in a coma, how I wound up there, and how I woke up. But since you're so determined on embarrassing yourself, please get to the goddamn point."

[damage-girl.livejournal.com]

"Your brother was messed up when I met him. So was I. There's no excusing that for either of us, but I didn't do it all by my lonesome, that took thirteen years of building between you going under and my stupid butt walking in.

"And when I was with him, I got to play competition with a vegetable. You couldn't be gone, it wasn't a good enough answer for him, and I'm sorry I let him talk me into having any part in that if you're so damned unhappy with all this. But Caleb spent most of his life obsessed with bringing you back. The best thing that could've ever happened to him was having you back in his life, and not having me around to screw it up anymore. So the point is, if you wanted to make him regret what he's spent his whole damn life working on, you did it. If anyone's keeping Caleb from being happy, it's you."

[amelia-z.livejournal.com]

"Excuse you? Since when are you an authority?"

Amelia gets up from the bed, her knuckles squeezed white. "I was trying to protect him from you! You walk in here different now but I can even smell what you are."

[damage-girl.livejournal.com]

"Since April 12th, 2005," she says completely deadpan. "And I can see very clearly what you are. What bearing does it really have? I'd be stupid to think 'demon' is all that defines you."

She doesn't move from her seat, not reacting at all to Amelia standing over her. "You weren't trying to protect him, Amelia. You were trying to control him, simply because you don't feel he's competent enough to live his own life, and you nearly got him killed. All those months, you wanted to 'protect' him from me, but you weren't around enough yourself to even know if I was hanging around him."

[amelia-z.livejournal.com]

An accusatory finger stabs the air. "You were the one nearly killing him! I didn't light him on fire that was all you dura!"

[damage-girl.livejournal.com]

I wasn't after him.

[amelia-z.livejournal.com]

Amelia takes half a step back, and then quickly a step forward. That finger still hangs in the air, the arm slackened, her entire demeanor shifting.

"Get out." Her hand snaps back and she contemplates the door for a moment. "No, no, no. I don't care who you are-- what. Inconsequential at this point, isn't it? So silly to be standing behind. No ground."

She shakes her head and points again. "You got a thing or two to learn about standing behind someone, whatever you are. Yeah, after me, all fine, had it coming, didn't I? But what was he? Your collateral damage? Wrong place wrong time? Gimme a fuckin' break, like you really cared, either of you. And God stuck you together 'cause maybe you wouldn't screw up the damn job now with two half-wits between you."

[damage-girl.livejournal.com]

That stings in a strange way; Corrine can feel the entity recoil, just a little. Her left hand trembles slightly and she closes it, holding it closer to her body. She swallows and takes a breath. "You don't understand, Amelia. Somebody knew Caleb would be who he is. I was stupid and needed protecting, but something had to-- wake me up and get me here. I hurt Caleb along the way because I was stupid. Now I've got this thing that I'm supposed to just live with, but clue-- it's a whole lot bigger than I am, and so far every once in a while it seems I don't get a choice in what it decides to do! Guess that's the kicker, huh? In all the crap you've apparently heard about me it didn't say anywhere I was perfect, did it?

"I'm not! If I was I could keep Caleb from having been possessed, or Sand, or fix my brother so he didn't fuck up some little girl so bad! I'd keep you from losing your damn mind and putting your name to signing Christie away to psychopaths! I can't change any of that! I can't even march down to Hell and demand my brother back-- because I have no clue where he is! because I can't even make him go!-- and he's got no damn reason to trust me! Despite whatever you believe, I can't snap my fingers and tilt the world to what I want!"

She huffs an angry breath and flops back into the chair, hands folded limply over her lap.

[amelia-z.livejournal.com]

Her mouth quirks as she frowns in recognition. "'We let Lily have him'."

[damage-girl.livejournal.com]

"You did what?"

[amelia-z.livejournal.com]

"Angela asked, Phillip responded. That's what he said. 'We let Lily have him'."

Amelia gives her a tired look, shrugs, then looks away. If sources sound right the little brother in Hell is the one of that whole damn family that isn't dog crap. "I think I met him. Genie, your brother. Angela had him once, sat in a chair like a pet. They said you did it and that's what they wanted to fix. That you burned him and made him addle-brained. Except you had all this stuff to do the job right and you were hiding it, even destroyed your own house in a fight to throw them off, and you had all these people you were manipulating to protect you, so I had to distract you. And then suddenly Crystal was just there at a meeting, they picked her up, I didn't do that. She wanted to be older and I figured what the hell? Give her a little conceptual learning boost but what they did..."

She sighs. "I don't know what they did. She was all messed up when I saw her again. And then all these other people, and I got back and your father was there. Crystal laughed at me."

[damage-girl.livejournal.com]

"We'll figure out what they did." It isn't an 'if'. Now she has nearly all the pieces.

Corrine pulls her hair back, getting it out of her eyes. She sniffs. "They're good at deceiving people. Don't feel guilty."

[amelia-z.livejournal.com]

Amelia laughs, turning steady brown eyes on Corrine. "You still don't get it. Your family deceived me only so much, but I think we both know at least half of it is true. I don't buy your victim act, Corrine. If an innocent player in all this gets his life back I'm fine accidentally throwing you a bone. But your dumb wall of silence and your lies had to go and fuck up the one thing in the world I had to come back to. I'm not your friend, we never were, so stop acting like it."

[damage-girl.livejournal.com]

"Who said I'm a damn victim?"

Corrine's always hated that word. It riles up a fire inside her like nothing else, just short of being patronized. She can take being called stupid, and malicious, and evil, because who really cares what Amelia thinks anyway? No way in the world Corrine's a victim.

"I'm stupid and human and I've made a lot of mistakes. I feel sorry for myself. I'm not expecting it from anybody else."

[amelia-z.livejournal.com]

"You're stupid, halfway human, and you've made a lot of mistakes. The mid-point of that being the crux of the issue, I'm afraid." Amelia sits down on the bed, across and slightly away from Corrine.

"Even beyond being some holy nuke in a human suit, you're a cape, Corrine. You run around punching people for some apparent greater good, creating and escalating personal vendettas all over the place, further complicating what is already a highly stressful work environment.

"On top of this, you protect only what you care about. Due to the fact that what that is changes as daily as your undies, how do I know when you're out there with my brother being a bunch of morons that you're actually going to watch his back? You can't fix everything, but you can immolate someone with a thought. Nice and fuzzy to say your loyalty is to your team, until my brother pisses you off again and you need another convenient person to take a shot for you or your man of the hour."

[damage-girl.livejournal.com]

"Losing your temper for people like us isn't as simple as punching a hole in the drywall." Corrine echoes it out before she even thinks about it. It's something she told Tara.

She sighs. "Amelia, Caleb went with me during the first showdown with Neron to watch my back. I couldn't have stopped him anymore than anyone could stop you from being at his side if he needed you. I walked away after Neron was gone, to handle my own problems, because I was no help to him in that state. I did crappy things but I've always had his back. Straight down to Hell and through an army."

And if Amelia gets it at this point, great. If she doesn't-- whatever. That will be as it will be. "Nobody can guarantee you no harm will come to your brother or that we'll always be on top of our game. I'll do everything up to and including going down myself to keep my entire team safe, but things happen. Caleb made his choice. He joined the Outsiders because I asked him to, not to rub anything in his face. I did it because he needed people to support him or he was going to self destruct or do something reckless. The first time he went down to Hell was with Constantine as his only back-up. How long do you think that habit would've kept before he wound up dead? You're not the only one that loves and looks after him, Amelia."

[amelia-z.livejournal.com]

"I'm well aware of that. As clueless as you obviously are, you missed the fact that you're all still breathing. I never had any intention to kill anyone, and the only one I had a real problem with was you. The Outsiders, well--"

There's a very long silence before Amelia finally looks up at Corrine, and shrugs. "You've got an untrustworthy and contradictory reputation. It couldn't be that easy now even if I wanted it to be. And I don't."

[damage-girl.livejournal.com]

Why? Corrine sits there, simply staring until the other woman breaks the gaze and returns to whistling at the birds. Corrine doesn't understand this. Maybe she'll never understand this. Maybe it was an awful idea coming here.

She stands. "You know... if you pursue this..." She chews on the inside of her lip and looks around the room. "That's my job; the Outsiders' job. It isn't about me, Amelia. Every single time, your brother will bring you back here, and every time you'll both feel the worst for it. You have a choice. You can let the rage consume you, and your life, and anything you could've possibly done with it... or you can stumble blindly towards inner peace and realize the road isn't always as smooth as we'd like it to be, like the rest of us.

"I hope you find peace."

[amelia-z.livejournal.com]

Amelia turns her gaze out the window again, waiting until the sounds of footsteps fade down the hall. She glances at the empty chair, and then at the empty doorway.

"One of us has to be the Bad One." Since her awakening, Amelia has come to definitively realize which one she is, and has always been; better her than Caleb. She whistles at the birds again. "[What the fuck does she know anyway?]"