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[amityville_sweetheart]

11-07-2007

Corrine knows what people would say to this. This is irresponsible and reckless. Going alone is stupid. Not telling anyone is deceptive.

They wouldn't hear or listen that this is something Corrine wants, and needs, to solve alone. Maybe it won't solve anything, maybe that's why they'd protest, but Corrine's spent long enough letting people fight her battles for her, defend her, and take the brunt of situations for her.

She's dressed down, doing her best to look normal. Even if she hasn't much felt normal recently, she's making the effort.

No one escorts her to the room at the end of the hall.

Comments

[damage-girl.livejournal.com]

That stings in a strange way; Corrine can feel the entity recoil, just a little. Her left hand trembles slightly and she closes it, holding it closer to her body. She swallows and takes a breath. "You don't understand, Amelia. Somebody knew Caleb would be who he is. I was stupid and needed protecting, but something had to-- wake me up and get me here. I hurt Caleb along the way because I was stupid. Now I've got this thing that I'm supposed to just live with, but clue-- it's a whole lot bigger than I am, and so far every once in a while it seems I don't get a choice in what it decides to do! Guess that's the kicker, huh? In all the crap you've apparently heard about me it didn't say anywhere I was perfect, did it?

"I'm not! If I was I could keep Caleb from having been possessed, or Sand, or fix my brother so he didn't fuck up some little girl so bad! I'd keep you from losing your damn mind and putting your name to signing Christie away to psychopaths! I can't change any of that! I can't even march down to Hell and demand my brother back-- because I have no clue where he is! because I can't even make him go!-- and he's got no damn reason to trust me! Despite whatever you believe, I can't snap my fingers and tilt the world to what I want!"

She huffs an angry breath and flops back into the chair, hands folded limply over her lap.

[amelia-z.livejournal.com]

Her mouth quirks as she frowns in recognition. "'We let Lily have him'."

[damage-girl.livejournal.com]

"You did what?"

[amelia-z.livejournal.com]

"Angela asked, Phillip responded. That's what he said. 'We let Lily have him'."

Amelia gives her a tired look, shrugs, then looks away. If sources sound right the little brother in Hell is the one of that whole damn family that isn't dog crap. "I think I met him. Genie, your brother. Angela had him once, sat in a chair like a pet. They said you did it and that's what they wanted to fix. That you burned him and made him addle-brained. Except you had all this stuff to do the job right and you were hiding it, even destroyed your own house in a fight to throw them off, and you had all these people you were manipulating to protect you, so I had to distract you. And then suddenly Crystal was just there at a meeting, they picked her up, I didn't do that. She wanted to be older and I figured what the hell? Give her a little conceptual learning boost but what they did..."

She sighs. "I don't know what they did. She was all messed up when I saw her again. And then all these other people, and I got back and your father was there. Crystal laughed at me."

[damage-girl.livejournal.com]

"We'll figure out what they did." It isn't an 'if'. Now she has nearly all the pieces.

Corrine pulls her hair back, getting it out of her eyes. She sniffs. "They're good at deceiving people. Don't feel guilty."

[amelia-z.livejournal.com]

Amelia laughs, turning steady brown eyes on Corrine. "You still don't get it. Your family deceived me only so much, but I think we both know at least half of it is true. I don't buy your victim act, Corrine. If an innocent player in all this gets his life back I'm fine accidentally throwing you a bone. But your dumb wall of silence and your lies had to go and fuck up the one thing in the world I had to come back to. I'm not your friend, we never were, so stop acting like it."

[damage-girl.livejournal.com]

"Who said I'm a damn victim?"

Corrine's always hated that word. It riles up a fire inside her like nothing else, just short of being patronized. She can take being called stupid, and malicious, and evil, because who really cares what Amelia thinks anyway? No way in the world Corrine's a victim.

"I'm stupid and human and I've made a lot of mistakes. I feel sorry for myself. I'm not expecting it from anybody else."

[amelia-z.livejournal.com]

"You're stupid, halfway human, and you've made a lot of mistakes. The mid-point of that being the crux of the issue, I'm afraid." Amelia sits down on the bed, across and slightly away from Corrine.

"Even beyond being some holy nuke in a human suit, you're a cape, Corrine. You run around punching people for some apparent greater good, creating and escalating personal vendettas all over the place, further complicating what is already a highly stressful work environment.

"On top of this, you protect only what you care about. Due to the fact that what that is changes as daily as your undies, how do I know when you're out there with my brother being a bunch of morons that you're actually going to watch his back? You can't fix everything, but you can immolate someone with a thought. Nice and fuzzy to say your loyalty is to your team, until my brother pisses you off again and you need another convenient person to take a shot for you or your man of the hour."

[damage-girl.livejournal.com]

"Losing your temper for people like us isn't as simple as punching a hole in the drywall." Corrine echoes it out before she even thinks about it. It's something she told Tara.

She sighs. "Amelia, Caleb went with me during the first showdown with Neron to watch my back. I couldn't have stopped him anymore than anyone could stop you from being at his side if he needed you. I walked away after Neron was gone, to handle my own problems, because I was no help to him in that state. I did crappy things but I've always had his back. Straight down to Hell and through an army."

And if Amelia gets it at this point, great. If she doesn't-- whatever. That will be as it will be. "Nobody can guarantee you no harm will come to your brother or that we'll always be on top of our game. I'll do everything up to and including going down myself to keep my entire team safe, but things happen. Caleb made his choice. He joined the Outsiders because I asked him to, not to rub anything in his face. I did it because he needed people to support him or he was going to self destruct or do something reckless. The first time he went down to Hell was with Constantine as his only back-up. How long do you think that habit would've kept before he wound up dead? You're not the only one that loves and looks after him, Amelia."

[amelia-z.livejournal.com]

"I'm well aware of that. As clueless as you obviously are, you missed the fact that you're all still breathing. I never had any intention to kill anyone, and the only one I had a real problem with was you. The Outsiders, well--"

There's a very long silence before Amelia finally looks up at Corrine, and shrugs. "You've got an untrustworthy and contradictory reputation. It couldn't be that easy now even if I wanted it to be. And I don't."

[damage-girl.livejournal.com]

Why? Corrine sits there, simply staring until the other woman breaks the gaze and returns to whistling at the birds. Corrine doesn't understand this. Maybe she'll never understand this. Maybe it was an awful idea coming here.

She stands. "You know... if you pursue this..." She chews on the inside of her lip and looks around the room. "That's my job; the Outsiders' job. It isn't about me, Amelia. Every single time, your brother will bring you back here, and every time you'll both feel the worst for it. You have a choice. You can let the rage consume you, and your life, and anything you could've possibly done with it... or you can stumble blindly towards inner peace and realize the road isn't always as smooth as we'd like it to be, like the rest of us.

"I hope you find peace."

[amelia-z.livejournal.com]

Amelia turns her gaze out the window again, waiting until the sounds of footsteps fade down the hall. She glances at the empty chair, and then at the empty doorway.

"One of us has to be the Bad One." Since her awakening, Amelia has come to definitively realize which one she is, and has always been; better her than Caleb. She whistles at the birds again. "[What the fuck does she know anyway?]"