Corrine Bertrand (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
amityville_sweetheart) wrote2007-02-01 01:21 am
amityville_sweetheart) wrote2007-02-01 01:21 am
(no subject)
Sometimes in the middle of the night is when it's the hardest.
She'll be dead asleep and then something-- something-- she never knows what it is that wakes her and makes her crave.
She does the only thing she knows how to do. After a while it's routine and her brain is somewhere else. She can organize everything in a way that makes sense. The past two years have been hard to swallow. She's managing better than ever, but sometimes in the middle of the night it grabs her. Like cold hands. And then it shakes her and shakes her, and all her thoughts about it flush around like glitter in a snowglobe. Learning to put your head on right doesn't make that any easier.
She had this crazy thought back when she was still Stupid that maybe she'd feel better if she watched Caleb suffer a little bit instead of being an arrogant ass. She had another crazy idea that ignoring her problems would make them magically disappear. She had another even crazier idea that she'd never be happy because she hadn't much earned it, and since it was already a done deed why risk your neck for Joe Schmo over there?
A lot of really, really stupid ideas. Sometimes it just takes her a moment to remember that again.
She'll be dead asleep and then something-- something-- she never knows what it is that wakes her and makes her crave.
She does the only thing she knows how to do. After a while it's routine and her brain is somewhere else. She can organize everything in a way that makes sense. The past two years have been hard to swallow. She's managing better than ever, but sometimes in the middle of the night it grabs her. Like cold hands. And then it shakes her and shakes her, and all her thoughts about it flush around like glitter in a snowglobe. Learning to put your head on right doesn't make that any easier.
She had this crazy thought back when she was still Stupid that maybe she'd feel better if she watched Caleb suffer a little bit instead of being an arrogant ass. She had another crazy idea that ignoring her problems would make them magically disappear. She had another even crazier idea that she'd never be happy because she hadn't much earned it, and since it was already a done deed why risk your neck for Joe Schmo over there?
A lot of really, really stupid ideas. Sometimes it just takes her a moment to remember that again.